You are trying to help. You are trying to be there. And yet the person you love keeps pushing you away. They say they want to be alone. They minimize how they are feeling when you ask. They turn down offers of help. They tell you they do not want to be a burden, even as you would give anything to be allowed to carry some of it.
This is one of the most painful and confusing experiences a family member or close friend of a cancer patient can have.
There are many reasons why people with cancer withdraw from those closest to them. Some do not want to be seen in a state of vulnerability — illness challenges identity and self-image, and some people find it intolerable to have the people they love most see them diminished. Some are trying to protect you — they are aware of how frightened you are, and they feel guilty for being the cause of that fear, and pulling away feels like sparing you. Some are so emotionally exhausted that the labor of maintaining relationships, even beloved ones, has become more than they can manage.
None of these reasons are about you. This is not a reflection of how much they love you.
Stay present without demanding reciprocity. You can show up — with a meal left at the door, a short text that asks nothing in return, a simple "thinking of you" — without requiring a response that proves they value your presence. Presence without demand is one of the most generous things you can offer.
Find a way to say it directly, gently, once: "I understand if you need space. I am not going anywhere. I will be here whenever you want me." And then mean it. The knowledge that you will still be there when they are ready to let someone in can be enormously comforting, even if it cannot be expressed.
Seek your own support for the grief of this. Feeling shut out by someone you love who is sick is its own kind of heartbreak. You are grieving the access you used to have, the intimacy you shared. That is real, and it deserves its own space — in a journal, with a therapist, with a trusted friend who can hold it with you.